


The One Thing I Would Never Regret

by hollyand



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Grey Wardens, Light Angst, Romantic Fluff, Tumblr Prompt, Warden Bethany Hawke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-29 01:26:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3877096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyand/pseuds/hollyand
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a prompt by machakizi (spadequeen) on Tumblr.</p><p>Before the Grey Wardens march to Kirkwall to help battle against the Qunari, Alistair takes a moment to tell Bethany how he feels about her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Thing I Would Never Regret

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spadequeen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spadequeen/gifts).



“Well, this is just typical,” grumbled Alistair. “No sooner do we come out of the Deep Roads and have Kirkwall in our sights, the place goes up in  _flames_.”

Despite herself, Bethany couldn’t help giggling a little. “It’s been the story of our travels these last few weeks.”

“Exactly,” Alistair said, looking over to her with a smile, and Bethany tried to ignore the fluttering in her stomach. He sighed, turning his eyes back to the flames about a mile in front of them, dancing higher and higher above the city walls almost as if they were beckoning their company of Wardens to join what seemed to be a war going on behind them. It was hard to see through the smoke and fire, but the noise of battle was unmistakeable. “I suppose we’d best get ready for… whatever this turns out to be.”

Bethany nodded, and took a deep breath. It was no understatement to say she hadn’t wanted to come back to Kirkwall again, and certainly not while the city was burning. Bethany hadn’t replied to Mother’s last, pleading letter; she hadn’t written to Marian either, especially after Mother had told her that Marian had got the estate back. What would she say? She knew she should be grateful that Marian tried to save her life back then, but somehow she couldn’t find it in her. How could you tell the sister you had loved beyond words that it would have been far kinder to let you join Carver and Father at the Maker’s side?

Three years of being a Warden, and yet it felt like a lifetime. Bethany stared with grim determination into the fire ahead.

No, this wasn’t how she wanted to return to Kirkwall. But then, she hadn’t wanted to return to Kirkwall at all.

Alistair looked over to her again. “Are you all right?”

“No,” Bethany blurted out, before she could stop herself.

“I suppose you’re worried about your family. We’ll find them.”

“I’d rather not,” Bethany replied, and Alistair was surprised to hear the bitterness in her voice. “Not that I want them to come to harm, but…” she trailed off, and closed her eyes.

“It can be hard, I know,” Alistair assured her gently. “Shall we… step aside from the camp for a bit?”

Bethany nodded, and she and Alistair walked over to a small clearing out of earshot from the rest of the camp. Somewhere in the background, she could hear the gushing of a stream and the wind rustling through the trees, and it soothed her nerves over the dim noise of battle emanating from Kirkwall in the distance. Well, a little. 

“I never wanted to be a Warden,” Bethany said, before Alistair could speak. She knew he wouldn’t like to hear it, as her commanding officer, but she suddenly found she didn’t care. “I always had dreams of… well, it doesn’t matter now. But nothing like this.”

“I know,” Alistair said, and Bethany looked up at him in surprise. “It’s not an easy burden to carry. But if it makes you feel any better, you bear it better than you think you do. And you are  _valued_  as a Warden, you know. I hope you know that.”

Bethany snorted. “‘Not an easy burden to carry’. Well  _that’s_  one way to put it.”

“Do you really hate it so much?” Bethany looked at Alistair again, and saw his handsome face fill with hurt. His mouth twisted, and she could see he was trying to hide it, but Alistair was always so very bad at concealing what he felt and it made her heart ache. “I mean, we’re an odd bunch, but I hoped –” He took a deep breath. “Well. I hoped  _I’d_  at least tried to make sure you felt welcome. I guess I didn’t do my job as well as I’d hoped.”

“You did,” Bethany said, gently, her breath coming fast and shallow as she willed her heart to calm itself under the intensity of his gaze. “No one could ever fault you there.”

He smiled then, though Bethany could still see the pain in his eyes. “Well. I just wanted you to know that – I don’t regret meeting  _you_ , Bethany. And if you hadn’t joined the Wardens, I’d never –” He trailed off; she could see the heat creeping into his cheeks as he looked down at the floor. 

“I don’t regret it either,” she said, quickly, a little breathlessly. “Meeting you, I mean. Being a Warden  _is_  hard to get used to, and – well, I have some regrets about that, but…”

He smiled shyly at her then, and she stopped.  _Of all the regrets I do have_ , she thought,  _but you are the one thing about this life I would never regret_.

“I – Bethany,” he started, before he stopped and shook his head, muttering more to himself than to her, as if he was thinking out loud. “Maker’s breath. I’ve been a Warden for  _years_ , I’ve even defeated an  _Archdemon_ , and I still can’t tell a beautiful woman how I feel about her.”

Bethany laughed nervously, even as she flushed as crimson as he now was. “Well, it’s hard to practise  _that_  one on the darkspawn, that’s for sure,” she said, forcing a lightness she didn’t feel in spite of her fast-thumping heart, and was relieved at his own nervous laugh.

“Oh, so  _that’s_  whereI’ve been going wrong,” Alistair grinned back, sounding almost relieved himself at her attempts to joke. “Practising telling Bethany how I feel about her on a darkspawn. Not that you’re anything  _like_  a darkspawn, of course. And I hope you have a higher opinion of me than the darkspawn do, but…”

“I do,” she breathed. He was standing so close to her now, brown eyes on hers, full of longing and tenderness, breath hot against her lips, as fast as hers. “Alistair, I –”

“Commander,” came a voice through the clearing, and Alistair and Bethany wheeled round as the helmeted Warden came striding towards them, “the men are gathered. Shall we march on to Kirkwall now?”

“Right,” said Alistair, stepping towards the Warden, “just give me a moment, and I’ll be right with you.” He turned back to Bethany. “We’ll talk later,” he said, softly, “after whatever’s troubling Kirkwall has been dealt with. OK?”

Bethany nodded, cool and professional as she always was. “We will.”


End file.
